HAPPY NEW YEAR LAHVERS!!!

How has it been so far? Its been wonderful for me so far and I hope it gets better. For those of you who have been following my FB status updates will know that I had a wetspot of bother at home just before the new year. The support and generosity my mum and me have been given was/is fabulously amazing. And if you have been following said updates, you’ll also know that I’ve decided to coin this 2012 as The Year of the Spirit. More of that soon.

For now, I’m posting my article from Esquire Malaysia. Yes lahvers, my name appeared in block lettering on the cover of the December issue. The people there did a Dubious Acheivements year-ending issue and invited (and hopefully will soon get paid) luminous luminaries to write. I had a whole page! For those of you who missed it, here it is.

To that 1 person who read it  and left a comment on my FB page, thank you. Otherwise I would’ve thought no one did. I mean, I don’t know anyone who buys Esquire Malaysia. Please do cos I have friends working there.

Until my post on The Spirit Year, enjoy my article.

Love always.

I am a threat to the national security of Malaysia. It’s not obvious to me what your rational is for saying I can destroy the fabric of Malaysia. I’ve seen that 1Malaysia batik and the fabric is cheap and awful.

I’m an entertainer of the highest order, high because I’m taller than you can ever imagine. Aah, that’s why I’m a threat. You’re short and fear I’ll crush you under my heels. Well, just take a seat and watch what I can do in my heels. You may think you can influence thousands into believing your drivel. I have influenced hundreds with my wit. That I know. Again, sit down. Good boy. My hundreds will be thousands and when we’re both dead, they will be the ones that will continue walking in my heels. Who knows where your yes-men will be then?

It’s been a thrilling year. We think we’ve moving forward and yet some fool thinks he has the right to push us back. Being an advocate for human/LGBTIQ rights doesn’t make for walks in the park. As an actor, I’m seen as a 2^nd class citizen. As a drag queen I’m a threat. Well, I exist and whether you want to admit it or not, you need my tick in a tiny box.

As I’ve said, I’m an entertainer and I love my job as much as you love yours. The only difference is people love me and gives attention to the things I have to say. I take great pride in my work. I worry when I feel I’ve disappointed my audience because they’ve laid their faith in me to take them into a different place.

As a fabulous citizen of this glorious nation, I’ve been made promises which none have surfaced. I continue to believe in these promises because I love my country as much as I love my life.

Do you remember these promises? Remember the one about us being united as 1? How did that turn out for you? It’s kind of fuzzy for me. Oh, I’m the product of a mixed marriage but unlike you claimed that all mixed marriages end in divorce, my father died on us instead. Selfish, wasn’t he?

How about your wife needing to be in some ridiculous club because she didn’t put out for you that day? It’s not enough your wife cooks, cleans, bears your nasty fruit and had to marry you. She has to go join a club. Where is she going to find the time what with you saying she hasn’t enough time for your needs? I’m not even going start on how you treat your mistresses.

I understand how your wife feels. At least she has a club to go to. The only clubs I can patronize you’ve said are evil and should not be given operating licenses. I’m left to wonder if my right to live is lesser than that of one of the illegal immigrants you gave an identity card to. So, I’m coming to the karaoke room you’ve built for yourself with my hard-earned money. Sit down and sing the song with me.

See, that wasn’t a hard song. And I was lip syncing. Ha! You did all the singing for once. Just be glad I was screaming in your ears like you were in mine but I tolerated it. I accepted it for what it was.  If you could crawl under tables to scratch several backs I don’t see how difficult it is to scratch mine. I’m not even asking for that. I don’t have the same itches you have. I’m only asking for the space I’ve been promised as a citizen. And honestly, what are you so afraid off? Am I such a threatening figure? It’s not like I’m going to have progeny any time soon. So, your daughter is safe from me unless she takes me shopping. If so, it’s your credit card that’s being threatened. If your son falls for me, I just hope he’s not as crazy as his daddy and that daddy will come to the wedding I’m not allowed to have.

You know, we may be bankrupt soon. Let’s work on that kind of shit first. That’s the real threat. How I live my personal life does not figure in your travel plans. However, my vote does. Let me tell you now that I’ve been voting for the other fool that’s causing less damage to the fabric. I’d rather him than you. Is that what you want? I sincerely care for the future of our country but you and your pretend-macho buddies are making my wigs tighter. Please sit down.

Don’t’ worry about the things I say to the rakyat because they already know the same things. My late father said this, “You are responsible for your own shit and only you can clean it up. Don’t expect others to do it for you.”

I’m I still a threat at time of print. At least I’m clean.